“Dressing Up and Standing Out”: How Letting Your Inner Child Play Enhances Self-Representation on Social Media
The flowers were in bloom. I reached out to touch their softness, much like six year old me would have done.
When I was six I had a dress-up birthday party. I invited all my friends and adorned them all with jewels, and lipstick. All bubbling with excitement in the anticipation of chocolate cake. I wore a costume dress that was covered in sparkles. I was the birthday queen. Fast forward to 22 years later, and I haven’t grown out of playing dress-up.
When on social media, we are inundated with pictures of women dressed up and or dressed down. Each artfully expressing their identity. Influencers exemplify this expression and aim to be likeable and relatable. Where the average and influential user differ is in how they use their platforms to build their personal brand. I am more interested in unpacking how the ideal online version of self is presented and how this presentation sometimes comes at the cost of one's authenticity. Smith and Sanderson define self-presentation of identity as “goal-driven thus, as individuals consider how to self-present, they balance both individual goals and the ‘self’ that they perceive the audience desires”. Presenting yourself online, then, becomes a game of appeasing the spectator. A user’s individual goals often shift towards optimizing platforms for monetization, at the expense of self-preservation. Who are you really if how you show up online doesn’t reflect how you show up for yourself in everyday life?
Users and influencers interested in lifestyle subjects such as fashion and beauty often only show the best version of themselves. These industries are built on how you present outwardly promoting the enhancement of self through consumption. Through my social media content, I encourage others—and aim myself—to play, to tend to my inner child, and to nurture the younger version of me. One could argue that the expression of individuality through presentation is a form of playing dress-up, strengthening the connection to our inner child. Our clothes each day dictate the character we wish to play. Play is fundamental to humanity as it starts in childhood and shapes how we interact with the world. Yet, our ability to play often gets lost in adulthood, wrapped up and warped in the mundane of everyday life. We repress the stress that life’s problems present to us. Continuing to play is an act of defiance: “Today, I let go and indulge in a slight reprieve. I dream and am free.” When we play, a realistic version of ourselves is revealed to others—we are unkept, wild, real, and unfiltered much like children are. Unfortunately, the fear of rejection stays with us through out our lives. How do we remain authentic? I believe that recognizing growth and evolution forces inauthenticity to become irrelevant. Much like we come of age and mature, our interests change. We become misaligned only to realign. This is a natural shift that positively influences how we show up for ourselves and present our individual identities.
I understand the apprehension some have when it comes to sharing their lives on social media platforms. Not everyone wants to be looked at or have every minute detailed and documented online. However, it can be difficult when you take a stand and choose not to share. Others might impose or even demand access to the intimacies of your life—a critique on your failure to submit to the status quo. It is an oddity in a time where we are highly connected, yet disconnected from ourselves and each other. A lack of information and access makes people feel entitled, as if being a fly on the wall to your life is an inherent right.
A solution is a healthy balance of being present and not sharing everything as it’s happening, while also sharing what excites you, without fear of rejection. I know it’s easier said than done. Odds are, the things you choose to share are intentional, whether they’re life updates you’re excited about or thoughtfully curated photos. For me, that might be my art projects, writing, or styled outfits focusing on sustainability. For others, it will look different, but always an expression of self. Regardless, people will critique or praise you, and that is something you have little control over. Phone cameras and social media have made capturing ourselves inseparable from everyday life. We are plagued with questions like: How can I show myself in the best possible way? How can I prove to others that the way I live my life is sensational, that I am enough? These are an unhealthy fixations.
To have self-representation be authentic, letting go of the need to answer these questions is crucial. Attaching yourself to the idea of other people’s approval will lead to inauthenticity and self-doubt. I want to assure those choosing to share less or share nothing at all to not be concerned with judgement. The important questions to ask yourself are: Would my younger self be excited about the person I have become? Does my life mirror the potential they dreamt up for us? Would they be proud of the person I am today? You can share as little or as much as you want online. How other people perceive you is none of your business, nor should it concern you. Authenticity triumphs when we recognize that our inner child exists within us. Make them laugh until they cry, be unafraid to fall, and most importantly, never stop staying curious and playing dress-up.